Emotions.

Feeling those feelings.

By the time I brush my teeth each morning, I’ve usually felt a dozen different emotions already—from joy & spaciousness to worry & defensiveness. In the past, each feeling came with a big story attached to it, complete with good guys, villains, & plot twists. My strategy back then was to overthink everything & then micromanage each aspect of my life in hopes of avoiding certain feelings.

I felt like a hostage to my fears, expectations, & judgements. For me, the purpose of my life was basically to avoid discomfort. While I’m still a work-in-progress today, I’ve learned to give myself permission to feel many things at once—without immediately judging it—which has been freeing & healing. I spend less time locked in my head creating worst-case scenarios, & more time opening my heart.

Being present for life has shown me that feelings aren’t facts. They come & go all day. And, it’s not my job to “control” them. Instead, it’s my job to acknowledge them & explore what is there. I don’t need to stuff down some & embellish or cling to others. When I do that, I’m either minimizing or exaggerating my inner experience—without actually feeling anything.

In my twenties, if I had made a mistake & was on the verge of feeling ashamed—instead of owning it & learning from it—I’d mentally re-write the story so that someone else was at fault. Or, if I was feeling sad, I’d find an “intellectual” way of looking at it & then stuff it down.  Basically, when I wasn’t completely avoiding my emotions, I was “thinking my feelings” (instead of feeling my feelings).

The result was this: Total disconnection from myself, from others, and from my purpose. One of my guides says that “We get feelings when needs are either met or unmet.” This simplified it for me. Like, “When I’m feeling bitter/joyful/lonely/capable/etc, what need is being met or unmet?” Like, what am I needing, instead of what am I feeling? For me, when I am sad or angry, I’m usually needing support or a shared reality.

Knowing that, I can take an action to meet that need, which, simultaneously shifts the sorrow to connection.

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